Apple unveils new market plans...
While Apple recently released its suave, sophisticated, and all-encompassing iPhone, CEO Steve Jobs announced that he has more novelty products that make life simpler and less convoluted on the back burner. Mr. Jobs always says that his inspiration for such ingenious and innovative products that make life easier come from his astute observations of the the world he lives in and his lifestyle and how they can be improved. Thus, a new line of two-in-one, life-simplifying products will be on the market soon. Included in that list is iBrush, the only mechanical toothbrush that allows you to upload mp3s to your toothbrush so you can jam out while you practice good hygiene. "Sometimes I don't brush my teeth at night because it's so boring," claimed Mr. Jobs, "but when I can listen to my favorite Beatles album or other artists that no longer get any airplay or have relevance in the world today, it inspires me to get up off my ass and brush my teeth like their's no tomorrow!" iBrush will be able to hold up to 3 songs, or 10 MB worth of music.
In addition, Apple will be unveiling iToaster, the only toaster that allows its user to listen to music while heating up a nutritious whole grain snack. "I used to put whole wheat bread or bagels in the toaster and forget about them because my mind would wander during the toasting monotony," recalled Jobs. "That's when I realized, 'hey, if I had music to listen to, I probably wouldn't wander off and get lost in the woods behind my house.'" Clearly, the inspiration behind such a device is pure genius. The iToaster has a battery life of 10 hours when toast isn't being toasted, but when in action, due to it not having a cord to plug into an outlet, the battery life while playing music and toasting is reduced to 15 minutes. After all, it takes a lot of energy to toast bread.
A further innovation is the new iMailbox. This is no ordinary mailbox, but serves as a mood-setter similar to background music in reality TV shows. "I always dreaded checking the mail. You never know what bill might arrive or bad rating in Consumer Reports," Mr. Jobs admitted. "It wasn't so much that it was terrifying, but something was missing. Maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me, but I wanted some sort of ominous music to complete the experience." The iMailbox comes with myriads of such ominous songs, including the default, Mozart's "O Fortuna." Now customers who frantically open their mail right outside their mailbox can do so with the proper setting fitting for a poor soap opera on ABC.
Finally, the magnum opus of Apple's new line, which has now expanded way beyond computer hardware and software, is the prodigious iToilet. This breakthrough device, which must be installed in your home or office by a certified Apple technician, comes with up to 300 GB of space to store discography upon discography of your favorite artists. Its sleek metallic coating of the ceramic frame and the translucent plastic basin are sure to impress anyone privileged enough to use the bathroom in which its installed. "I spend a lot of time on the toilet," Mr. Jobs nonchalantly declared about his inspiration for the iToilet. "Usually I just zone out when the output becomes unbearable, which it usually does with my low-fiber diet. I thought it would be nice for something to keep my thoughts occupied so I wasn't so constrained by the force attempting to exit my body." For additional comfort, the seat of the iToilet has a malleable silicon cushion applied to its base to maximize the tranquility that the device was designed to promote.
Steve Jobs claimed that these innovations will not be the last of their kind, but only the beginning of a new, nothing-is-sacred Apple empire.
In addition, Apple will be unveiling iToaster, the only toaster that allows its user to listen to music while heating up a nutritious whole grain snack. "I used to put whole wheat bread or bagels in the toaster and forget about them because my mind would wander during the toasting monotony," recalled Jobs. "That's when I realized, 'hey, if I had music to listen to, I probably wouldn't wander off and get lost in the woods behind my house.'" Clearly, the inspiration behind such a device is pure genius. The iToaster has a battery life of 10 hours when toast isn't being toasted, but when in action, due to it not having a cord to plug into an outlet, the battery life while playing music and toasting is reduced to 15 minutes. After all, it takes a lot of energy to toast bread.
A further innovation is the new iMailbox. This is no ordinary mailbox, but serves as a mood-setter similar to background music in reality TV shows. "I always dreaded checking the mail. You never know what bill might arrive or bad rating in Consumer Reports," Mr. Jobs admitted. "It wasn't so much that it was terrifying, but something was missing. Maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me, but I wanted some sort of ominous music to complete the experience." The iMailbox comes with myriads of such ominous songs, including the default, Mozart's "O Fortuna." Now customers who frantically open their mail right outside their mailbox can do so with the proper setting fitting for a poor soap opera on ABC.
Finally, the magnum opus of Apple's new line, which has now expanded way beyond computer hardware and software, is the prodigious iToilet. This breakthrough device, which must be installed in your home or office by a certified Apple technician, comes with up to 300 GB of space to store discography upon discography of your favorite artists. Its sleek metallic coating of the ceramic frame and the translucent plastic basin are sure to impress anyone privileged enough to use the bathroom in which its installed. "I spend a lot of time on the toilet," Mr. Jobs nonchalantly declared about his inspiration for the iToilet. "Usually I just zone out when the output becomes unbearable, which it usually does with my low-fiber diet. I thought it would be nice for something to keep my thoughts occupied so I wasn't so constrained by the force attempting to exit my body." For additional comfort, the seat of the iToilet has a malleable silicon cushion applied to its base to maximize the tranquility that the device was designed to promote.
Steve Jobs claimed that these innovations will not be the last of their kind, but only the beginning of a new, nothing-is-sacred Apple empire.
posted by Moonshynn at 4:56 PM
0 comments
